Sex Communication Checklist Glossary

Click on the individual terms below to go to the definition.

Energy Play

Eye Gazing

Holding direct eye contact with a lover for an amount of time. Can be done with or without physical contact, standing, seated, or laying down.

Try it! Face each other and look into each other’s eyes. Let the muscles in your face soften, and allow yourself to blink. Hold your lover’s gaze and notice what feelings arise in you and what you feel from your lover. Keep the gaze directed into each other’s eyes rather than letting eyes roam to take in the body or the space.

Hands Hovering Over Body

Energetic touch is like touch without making physical contact. The slight space between your hands and your lover’s body creates the energetic sensation of being touched.

Try it! Lightly and slowly hover your hands over your lover’s body, without touching the skin. You can play with the distance between your hands and your lover’s skin to find at what distances they can still feel your energetic touch.

Hands Hovering Over Genitals

Like hands hovering over the body, but with specific attention to the genitals.

Try it! Your lover can close their eyes, or let them soften. They can relax into a position in which they can completely receive, maybe lying on their back. Using the technique of hovering the hands over the skin, focus your hands above their genitals, allowing your energy to focus into your hands and over their body.

Energetic Kissing

A teasing kiss in which your lips don’t make contact with your lover’s skin.

Try it! Let your lips hover next to each other, and glide your mouth over the surface of your lover’s skin, letting them feel your breath across their face, neck, ears, and other parts of their body.

Breathing Together

Allowing the pacing of your breath to sync up to the pacing of your lover’s breath.

Try it! You can start this from eye gazing, or with eyes closed. You can hold hands, touch a different part of your lover’s body, or sit separately. Slow down to stillness with your lover, finding a comfortable way to stand, sit, or lay. Notice the way their breath is moving, and allow yours to come into rhythm with theirs, inhaling together and exhaling together. Once you are in sync, you can also play with circular breathing – pausing at the end of your exhale until your lover exhales, then take your inhale. In this pattern, your lover inhales your exhale and you inhale their exhale. With both of these breaths, you can direct your breath anywhere in your body, including heart or genitals.

Light Energetic Touch

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Teasing and Anticipation

Building up the expectation of connection – leaning in and then pulling away, giving touch and then taking it away.

Try it! Take your time here – teasing is all about building anticipation, and not going straight for what’s expected. You can tease with energetic kisses, you can kiss all over your lover’s body slowly and move closer and closer to their most erogenous zones.

Tantric/Sacred Touch

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Tantric Practice

Tantra is a spiritual belief system and practice born out of India. It approaches divinity as omnipresent and permeating all fabric of life, which means that every moment, experience, person, and thing offers an opportunity to commune with the divine, including relationship to yourself and your lover.

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Sex Transmutation

Sex transmutation is the practice of channeling sexual energy into a non-sexual activity. It aligns with the belief that creative energy (the energy of creation/procreation) is the same as sexual energy, and the energy of one can be used for the other.

Try it! Channel your arousal into a creative pursuit! Stimulate yourself solo or with a partner, and then utilize that energy in a non-sexual manner. That could be through art, intimate and enlivening conversation, anything that would benefit from the presence of your full, creative life force within it.

Sexual Partner Yoga

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Erotic Hypnosis/Sex Meditation

The practice of entering into a different state of consciousness in order to explore your sexuality. Erotic hypnosis is facilitated by someone for you, allowing you to relax into a suggestible and pleasurable space. Sexual meditation is the practice of deepening into energy, sensuality, experience of your sexuality through meditative practice.

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Crystal/Jade Eggs

Jade eggs are inserted inside the vagina as a way to practice kegels, while receiving the benefits of jade which is known as a stone that balances and regenerates the body. Using jade eggs intravaginally may also stimulate reflexology points inside the vaginal walls which are connected to the body’s organs.

Try it! Before inserting your jade egg, clean it thoroughly (warm and soapy water, resting in just-boiled water, or in a diluted mixture of water and food-grade hydrogen peroxide if the egg is drilled). After cleaning, look at pelvic floor exercises that would be assigned by a specialist for ways to safely squeeze the egg. To remove, squat and bear down as if you’re having a bowel movement and it will come right out.

Chakra Toning/Chanting

Built upon the notion that each chakra in the body has a resonant tone, chakra toning is a practice of vocalizing each tone individually to clear, strengthen, and harmonize the individual’s chakra system.

Try it! You can find resources online to learn the chakra tones, or you could look for a social gathering or class if available. As you vocalize through the range of sounds, notice how your energy responds. You may notice dimensions of you opening, softening, responding to the sounds.

Light Feathers

Brushing light feathers across your own or a lover’s body, just barely touching the skin to build sensation and anticipation.

Try it! Find some soft feathers online or in a store, and lightly trace them over yours or your lover’s body. With a lover’s consent, play all over the body – face, neck, chest, hips, anywhere – and notice where they are most responsive. Those will be some of their most sensitive spots!

Tickling

Similar to light feather play, but with your hands. Use the tips of your fingertips to lightly brush yours or a lover’s skin.

Try it! Play all over the body, and pay attention to which parts are most responsive! You may notice goosebumps or changes in breathing as you lean into this sensitive form of play.

Energy Sex

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Goddess Worship

Goddess worship was prevalent in ancient cultures, and within that, female sexuality and sexual organs have been considered portals to divine communion. Sacred sexuality, across many cultures, has been understood as a path towards higher levels of consciousness and remembrance of divinity.

Try it! Maybe you already worship the goddess, whether as archetypal feminine energy or within a woman’s body. There are many intimate and individual ways to cultivate this devotion, and it can flow through you in the way it inherently does. A way to start could be devoting time to a woman’s body – gazing upon it, lightly touching it, slowly kissing and caressing it, and using this time as a form of intentional communion with the divine life force.

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